Stock alert: Angel Soft on the rise

Or at least I imagine it should be.  That one, and the Publix Greenwise toilet paper that is my other staple go-to brand.  But I guess that would just raise Publix stock in general….  I’m not exactly a financial wizard when it comes to those pieces of paper.

But moving right along, into the TMI of the day. For my foreign readers, TMI stands for too much information, as in “I’m about to tell you something you’d really rather not know”.  So now that you have been sufficiently warned, you can either close this browser window never to return or read on at your own risk.

In my life, or at least as far back as I remember, I’ve been a neat pee-er. Like most females (there ARE exceptions, but those ladies are highly trained), I sit down to take care of business.  Then I pee in an orderly fashion, steady stream smack down the center of the toilet, wipe, close the lid (male readers: ask a female friend to demonstrate), flush and wash hands. Done.
If I’m in a porta-potty or a gnarly public restroom, years of swimming, biking and yoga have given me strong legs. I am able to hover beautifully over the opening for extended periods of time without ever touching the nasty seat, and STILL maintain an orderly flow without spraying the seat/walls/floors etc. Wrap-up procedure remains the same.

But now. Well, pregnancy has severely disrupted the process. I’ve sort of lost that precision if you know what I mean – the steady stream now more resembles a babbling brook. As a result, toilet paper use has doubled if not tripled and I can’t even imagine what would happen if I attempted the porta-potty squat.  Little by little this process is robbing me of every ounce of dignity I’ve ever had. The crazy part is that I’m loving it.

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One thought on “Stock alert: Angel Soft on the rise

  1. The other day, my husband was making note of how many clothes I go through everyday…ya know being an asshole saying I make a ton of laundry and he doesn’t. So I then let him know, when I pee, it gets on my butt now. LOL He looked at me sideways for a few minutes and hasn’t mentioned the laundry since. Pregnancy is so strange. It’s like your pee hole is half closed? Like turning the sprayer option on with the hose outside.

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