Insomnia, you heartless cow

Frankly, I’m not sure how I am to ever enter into the elusive state of pregnancy glow if I can’t get a decent night of sleep!

Between daily battles with Nausea and Exhaustion, I don’t have much left to fight off Insomnia. I’m usually up 2-3 times per night, sometimes to pee, sometimes for no reason at all. On occasion I can go right back to sleep, but more often than not, I find myself wide awake – and in the past few days – HUNGRY!
Since Nausea seems to get the night off, I’ve been sneaking into the kitchen for some puke-free eating, which is heavenly.

I’m pretty new to this Insomnia thing, as up until now I’ve been an easy sleeper. Pretty much whenever wherever – if my head is near a pillow, I’m out. I generally don’t do well with drugs, so I’m trying to stay away from pharmaceutical sleep-aids the best I can.
So I read… or play games on my phone and wait for sleepiness to come back. Which it usually does, about 30 minutes before it’s time to get up. Sigh.

I’m told soon the tides will turn and I’ll get my second trimester wind. I’m ready…  any day now!


Can it be, do I see light at the end of the tunnel?

The past few weeks seem like they have just been dragging on by.
Nausea apparently has this super power of slowing time down so that you get every opportunity to feel her evil tentacles crawl through your entire body. The healthy living and active pregnancy I had envisioned have not been happening, not even a little bit.
Up until growing a baby, I think the physically hardest thing I’ve done was to train for – and finish – a half ironman. I did that whilst decked out with a blood clot in my left leg, making running pretty un-fun (even more un-fun than it comes standard). I was pretty proud of that shit for a while, but now I realize those efforts pale in comparison with the feat of getting up, getting showered, and keeping down a bowl of cereal every morning.  And to add insult to an injury, nobody is there at the end of the cereal bowl to tell me “good job” and hand me a medal.

I’m finally starting to see glimmers of hope, faint wisps of a promise saying I will not have to spend my entire life like this. That one day “food” will mean more than Saltines and Honey O’s.  Maybe even a hot meal one day. And return to yoga, and possibly even going swimming or doing something completely crazy like that. I know I’m not quite there yet, but for the time being I’ll relish the small victories, such as not having had a violent throw-up session since last Thursday. The little things!


A trip through the 7 circles of hell, aka first trimester

So, it’s semi public by now and therefore blogaboutable, right?
Indeed. As it stands, I’m busy growing another human. It was quite a surprise, but a pleasant one, after the initial “where the hell is my period and why are my boobs so sore” reaction.

The first couple of weeks of being in the know were fantastic. It’s a very exhilarating time.  I downloaded apps for the phone, read up on fetal development, made doctors appointments, peed on sticks, quit coffee, spent 2 hours in the  prenatal vitamin aisle at the health food store and all that jazz. Then I got tired.  REALLY tired. No amount of sleep seemed to cut it, and before you knew it, I’m napping at my desk or on the mini couch at work.  When I’d been tired as hell for a couple of weeks, Nausea rode up on her hellish steed. Just a little check in at first – and oddly enough I thought it was kind of cool at the time. Proper pregnancy symptoms, check! It is really happening! No big deal, right, just suck on some ginger candy and eat crackers, I got this.

Shortly Nausea stepped it up,  escalating to a complete and total hostile takeover. I’ve thrown up in toilets, kitchen sinks, bathroom sinks, at a red light, in a styrofoam cup, on the ground and in the bushes. And ALMOST in the Apple store, although praise Steve Jobs, I managed to choke that one down.
Unlike when you are sick, pregnancy puke will not make you feel better. At least not in my case.  You remain just as miserable as you were when you started retching.
And sleep…. ahh sweet slumber. You left me too, right with my appetite. I spend my nights waking up to pee, check in with Nausea, adjust positions and sometimes for no reason at all. Which is when I play Words with Friends or Bejeweled until I can go back to sleep or the phone runs out of battery. My internal thermostat is riding its own hormonal swings too, and I alternate being freezing cold and way hot, in my carefully temperature controlled bedroom.  This shit sucks, but I keep reminding myself that it’s for a good cause.

Tomorrow I’ll be 13 weeks, and all the books promise that I’ll soon wrap up this phase and emerge gorgeously pregnant and glowing.
I’m ready, bring on the damn glow.