Glucose tolerance test with a republican gun twist

Finally got my butt to the lab for some more poking and prodding. Can’t complain, it’s been a while since last time.  Got up bright and early after fasting for 10 hours and having mentally prepared myself to chug down 8 ounces (237 ml) of extremely brightly colored orange liquid, containing 75 grams of sugar. And god knows how much dye and artificial flavoring, but to my untrained non-chemist eye: a shitload. The damn thing was struggling to stay in solution.

I thought I’d get a pin prick before drinking to establish a fasting level, but they just tossed me a bottle and told me to drink up, wait an hour and then proceeded with the stab and jab for the needed tests. I thought I’d broken up with Nausea for good a couple of months ago, but the bitch was hiding in that orange bottle. As I waited out my hour, it was all I could do to keep it down. I don’t know why it was so gnarly, it’s not like I have an awkward relationship with sugar. We are best buds.

It didn’t help the situation that a fat bastard dressed to the nines in hunting gear rolled into the lab when I had about half an  hour to go. After checking in, he started a one man Republican rally, rambling on about how Obama was not going to take his guns. His plan of action, faced with the dreadful prospect of bringing guns up to registration levels of, oh say maybe cats/dogs/cars was to add a crossbow to the collection and “go all natural on their asses”.  I was oddly comforted by that thought, as I can’t see this man having the upper body strength to actually use one, or how he’s going to aim an arrow at anyone over that 300 lbs gut he was sporting.
Part 2 of the speech was titled “of course maniacs and mentally ill people should not have guns, that is just ridiculous” but then added that it was unconstitutional to screen anyone for mental illness, because “that shit is private matter and the gubberment does not need to be up in everybody’s business”.

As you might imagine, this did very little to combat Nausea. I did decide that if I was going to toss cookies I’d aim for my new buddy, since the color would nicely compliment his orange suspenders and orange hunting hat.  By some miracle I was able to keep it down until the lab tech came to get me. I’ve never before been so happy to see someone who wanted to stick me with needles and steal my blood.

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